This week I was talking with a good friend who just became a
father. I asked him if he was able to put words to the experience and after a
repetitive series of “amazings” and “incredibles”, he said that there just were
not words to describe the feeling of being a father.
While I share the feeling of there being very few words to
describe fatherhood, I will attempt a few.
In the crucifixion scene in the gospel of John, Jesus speaks
from the cross and tells John to “meet your mother” and Mary to “meet your
son.” I always found this peculiar for rarely is parenthood bestowed so
matter-of-factly, abruptly, and powerfully.
While there is nothing abrupt about waiting months to lay
your eyes and hands on a child you know God has called you to love, the
abruptness lies in the moment you see big brown, pleading eyes and hold chubby
little hands in your own. That is when you realize that “this got real, fast!”
Walking through the airport and turning the corner to see an
older woman clothed in bright colors holding a little orphaned boy is a sight
that I will never forget. Finally spending time with our son was overwhelming.
Over the course of the week we got to observe his daily life and rhythms. We
saw him tired, happy, cranky, full, sleeping, laughing, angry, posing for the
camera and everything in between. He is an alert and well developed little guy.
We could not be happier to be his parents. But, we also saw that so many others
love him as well. Lil E is constantly being held and played with, he has enough
food and many selfless caretakers. This is wonderful. But, by the second night
in Ghana Allie and I were laying awake wondering if it truly was the right
thing to do, to adopt this boy out of the culture he knew and away from the
people who loved him. We prayed hard: ready to give up our pursuit if it was
the right thing for this boy we had come to love.
It was the very next day that things began to get even more
“real.” We spent the day trucking around the local village obtaining reports,
documents and medical records. For the last of these we had to spend
significant time in the open-air waiting room of the local hospital. It was
then we had the opportunity to both ask the orphanage director if she believes
we should adopt him and observe for ourselves why we should adopt him. When
asked, the director said that she was overjoyed to have us become E’s parents.
She said he needed a bright future and caring, constant parents to love and
guide him. While this was easing the fears in our hearts, we also took stock of
the situation around us. It was clear that the future for our son, as an orphan
in poverty, would be rather bleak. Even with so many caretakers in his life, E
will eventually cease to be the baby of the village and grow to be like the
many older children in the orphanage: cared for and looked after – but not
deeply loved.
But, for today, the deep love we have for our son remains at
a distance. We are waiting to hear when we will travel back to Ghana for a
court date. It will be amazing to see him again soon.
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